About that obnoxious mouthy vegan everyone hates

There’s a tired catchphrase often blared by certain ignoramuses as proof of vegans being severely unacceptable in the blustering meat eaters’ world of fragile contentment, and it goes like this:

“How do you know if someone’s vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you. Always.”man-978750_960_720

Funny, right? ……Meh.

In my experience with those supposed self-righteous vegan announcements, in everyday life (not on the web) I only bring up my vegan lifestyle to acquaintances I’m worried about being offered food by, either as a guest in their home or as holiday gifts and such. This is my being polite actually, because I often will get animal products offered if I don’t ward that situation off beforehand, and then things become needlessly awkward. Most people respect my telling them and are careful to only offer non-animal foods, gifts, whatever. Some are even interested in being vegan. Imagine that.

But then there’s the other end of the spectrum…ew

Here we have the obnoxious blowhard (not all that uncommon) who becomes obsessed with pushing animal products on you the minute you divulge your vegan-ness to them. They’ll give you a leather wallet at gift time, or talk about meat whenever you’re within woman-23715_960_720earshot. Suddenly the most scintillating topics are what carcass parts they’re cooking for dinner, what bloody chunks are simmering away in the crock pot at home, the cheese & egg dish they devoured for brunch, the price of lamb chops, the new steak house in town, and blah blah blah. I’ve seen this several times. It’s bizarre.

They also become obsessed with “forgetting” you’re vegan and offering you a taste of their sausage or some nauseating congealed meat product they happen to have on hand whenever you’re around.

Sweet Memories

One neighbor back in the 1980s brought a hunk of pot roast to my door the day after my dad told her I was vegan. I told her the dogs would love it, thanks, and she looked disappointed. What a sicko. Hah, as a side note, this same “lady” had a dispute with her next-door neighbor and subsequently greased the stairs just for her, and the neighbor actually slipped and tumbled down the steps, got all banged up. She told me the crazy meat lady peaked out her door and let out an evil laugh as the poor lady struggled to get up, stunned. Meat lady later mopped down the stairs with detergent to remove the evidence. So I wasn’t the only one to enjoy her demented attentions.

Another choice gem from society’s meat people:

The old, “Oh, I forgot, you’re a VEE-gun! I just don’t see how you can not eat meat…it’s delicious! And you need the protein! Ooh, here’s a good one I heard: PETA stands for People Eating Tasty Animals …Get it? Har har har, snort, haw haww, honk! …Wow you vegans need to get a sense a humor!”

You remain stoic in the face of such blazing assholery; you breathe deeply, count to ten, and plan to head in the opposite direction or duck into a nearby cubbyhole whenever you spot this person in the vicinity in the future, or to simply pass by them in silence without acknowledging them; this is where a cellphone comes in ever so handy. Thank goodness for cellphones!12215082_f520

But if it’s impossible to avoid this person, you vow to talk to him/her only about farm abuses and animal slaughter, and how great it feels to be vegan. If that doesn’t thoroughly repel them forever and ever, you will simply repeat the same points over and over again, as if on autoplay. This can result in bitter arguments beginning with their accusing you of being a pushy self-righteous despised weirdo or some such Rogan-esque trash talk. (But so amusing…these people are really witty!) At some point, if the gods are smiling upon you, you’ll have achieved having this rude slob as an enemy who will obsessively avoid you and never, ever speak to you again.

But still, gosh, what a shame. After all, people say there’s good in everyone… 😏

So you see, the real riddle should go:

“How do you know someone’s a meat-eating obnoxious butt-hole? Don’t worry. They’ll show you. Always.”

3 thoughts on “About that obnoxious mouthy vegan everyone hates

  1. I find myself meeting them head on, and not being quite as nice about it either. I start describing the heinous, bloody, and painful ways the animals they brag about eating Died. I tell them the truth about how they realize they are getting ready to be murdered and they cry. I speak of how they convulse in pain while their throat is slit, and that they die terrified and drowning in their own blood. I describe how some of the pigs and some of the chickens are still very much alive and aware as they are dipped head first into boiling water and how they squall and shriek in torment and horror as they feel themselves boiling alive and they die boiling. I spare no truths and refuse to sugar coat it for them. I tell them blunt truth and ask them if they can honestly not see what is wrong with that happening to the animals so that they can eat them. I then tell them I am vegan for moral reasons and suggest to them that they should join me..

    • You tell them, Chazz, you tell ’em good. Just reading all that, even though I know it all far too well, is horrifying. People need to just stop all this. It’s so insane. It’s why people like me are preoccupied always with this. Everyone should put themselves mentally in those places, even “just” as pigs or whomever, and realize what a huge sin all of this is. We ask for simple empathy. Basic honesty. And for people to stop discounting them with “just” and instead give them justice. A small amount to ask of people everywhere, really.

      • I think it safe to say the Carnists aren’t very liking of me. They try to dismiss it as being untrue, and they insist the animals don’t cry, that they don’t realize they are about to be killed, and they say it is just dumb animals. In other words they cop out by demanding the deaths the animals face are humane and painless, and I bash them with the truth. I don’t want that type to like me. I find them immoral, dishonest, and selfish. They display no redeeming qualities what so ever. They display more the picture of a Psychopath, instead of a picture of worthwhile humanity. They are void of worth.

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