Clothing · Fashion · Human behavior · Uncategorized

Something I do not love … MUFFIN TOP

Because Muffin Top means someone is wearing clothes that are way too small!

Muffin tops, where jiggly belly spills over clothes waistline are, I think, especially a woman thing. With men they’re called beer bellies or love handles and are considered a “just deal with it” sort of thing. With women, appearances have always been more of a “my life’s worth depends on this” situation, so it’s a bit more urgent. First world problem, yes, but still a problem in life.

There’s a simple solution to muffin top…it’s this: Get over your obsession with being a “high status” small clothing size and wear clothes that actually fit you as you are now. Appalling idea, right? For most females, admitting to wearing any two-digit clothing size is akin to saying you’re a miserable, lowdown untouchable. From size 10 on up, it’s a nowoman’s land of shame and disappointment. Even size 8 is pushing it in the most elite of steamy hot circles. The really high class, hotsy totsy divas wear from a zero to a size 6… there’s where you find the cream of the crop. Men and women alike are awestruck and worshipful of a tiny (but usually not short and never truly skeletal) female, as long as she has a pretty face and good hair. Some shorty females can be high status if they’re cute as can be, and bubbly. Of course, in contrast to it all, tiny bust lines are are ungood, as we all know, but that’s another issue.

One area that is not to be tiny!

This is all just what I’ve observed for many decades, traveling warily through life, ofttimes aghast. So I’m probably just ranting for ranting’s sake, with no one else in complete agreement. Most women, it seems to me, defend their “right” to be so nutty, considering it all a prideful part of being the female half of Homo Insanus, along with teetering around, sexily, wearing ridiculous stilts on their feet. And most men seem to love it when women bend over backwards and jump through hoops to be considered desirable, even if those men frown at the muffin top. Okay then, good for them, but I prefer being comfortable with freedom of movement.

Imagine this girl crammed into ridiculously tight clothes, from infancy on up. Woah, kooky!

I’m in my sixties now and wear clothes ranging in size from a mislabeled petite size 8 through 14 petite, all of which fit properly, with my closest to perfect being a properly labeled 12 petite. I’m thrilled with being “medium.” (Vanity sizing is a whole other ball of wax.) Anyhow, I once wore a big women’s size 22, at 210 lbs. on a 5’3” frame. So I’m quite happy with the size 12P and weighing 138; it’s a healthy size with loads of nice fashions to choose from and I have no shame with it. Unlike when I wore massive garments simply to cover myself up; also was trying in vain to hide the fact that I was killing myself with food, mostly with drive-thru fast food (those places are evil).

But back to topic.

See, other women among us, the ones who almost need power equipment to put on their pants…those who “are a size 6 wink wink”…are those of the Muffin Top Club. They insist on stuffing their size 12 bodies into size 6 and claiming, thereby, that they ARE “a size 6,” with only women being defined almost entirely as their size number. Never mind that they’re miserably uncomfortable and have painfully cinched flesh billowing out over their waistlines and that the all-day compression of the lower half of the body is harmful, restricts movement, looks crazy, etc. They usually like “skinny jeans” too, the tight, elastic ones that are, oddly enough, just like girdles, but are outerwear. They also somehow only weigh about as much as one of their substantial legs appears to weigh, with some ladies looking to weigh over 150 claiming they weigh 110. So that women who really do weigh 150 feel as if they must be “fat lady in the circus” material…if they weigh 40 lbs more than THAT hefty girl. Yeah I digressed again.

Skinny jeans, yes, but at least they fit right.

Again, the simple solution to muffin top everywhere is to wear nicely fitting, comfortable clothing. If you need to or happen to lose weight, they’ll be a bit looser. If you lose lots of weight, get some new clothes in the right size. Resist the temptation to vanity size yourself. Trust me, you’ll be just fine…you won’t become lowest of the lowest class of women. Unless you’re an evil scumbag, that is. And that has nothing to do with your “size 0–6” body.

Whew, women…but I still love the nice ones who agree with me on everything, haha.

Conclusion: Same as usual… it’s a bizarre world we live in, folks, mostly made that way by Homo Insanus. And this didn’t even touch on the truly frightening world situation at the moment, spearheaded by USA-hating democrats, as that is, for the time being, too dreadful to even write about here.