Cooking · Food · Last Meal · Things I love · Uncategorized · Vegan Treats

My End of the World Last Meal

Firstly, to get the “kvetching” (mustn’t swear) and intro out of the way…

Anti-vegans claim vegans are always thinking about food; they say it’s because we’re starving on crappy fake food and only need to down a bloody steak and wash it down with cow’s milk to get us focused on more important things in life than food, like they are, hahaha…hah. When omni or carny food lovers obsess about what they love to eat and blather loudly about it all, they’re affectionately called “foodies” who simply and naturally enjoy eating tasty stuff. Funny how that works out, isn’t it?

I absolutely love all of my everyday healthy vegan foods, but do dream of being able to stuff myself full of “forbidden” treats like pizza and cake…veganized of course. If only I could, without suffering the sorry and severe consequences.

I watched a video yesterday of all the strangest Last Meal requests of Death Row inmates (most of their menus being expectedly meat heavy), and it got me thinking, what would my preferred last meal be? If I were on Death Row I’d probably want little or nothing, since I lose my appetite and get sort of nauseous when totally stressed out, scared or depressed.

So I thought of another scenario…

Say that in some dummy’s fantasy, the media has reported that there’s a giant asteroid headed towards Earth and it will be here the day after tomorrow. You’re a foodie and your thoughts turn to what will be your final meal (or full day of gorging) before the big kaboom and your journey into the unknown, sans body. You have no idea what’s to come following that. Regardless, you’re gleefully happy and cannot wait for this spinning lunatic asylum full of death and unjust suffering to finally be finished off. So you’re going shopping (assuming any shops will be open), for ingredients if you’re a cook at heart, and/or for ready-made items that you sometimes wish you could eat yourself to death with, having blissed out in crazy taste-bud ecstasy for hours, possibly all day long with several breaks, since I eat nice and slow.

So, below are my choices…and I hope to see others’ Last Meal selections in the comments, but who cares about my hopes? Probably no one, sigh. Anyhow:

Everything’s VEGAN, naturally.

Serving sizes? No such thing! All you can eat…

• Green chili & black bean tamales (greasy!)
Source: Susy Languren Di Vegan – youtube
• Pizza with lots of Miyoko’s mozzarella and some hot peppers (also nice & greasy)
Source: avantgardevegan – youtube
• Shortbread cookies (again greasy, and nice & crumbly)
Source: lovingitvegan.com
• Glazed jelly donuts (What, me worry about sugar? No more!)
Source: Mayim Bialik’s Hannukkah Doughnuts
• Chocolate layer cake with lots of chocolate frosting (mmmm, more sugar and lots of deep brown chocolatey gooeyness)
Source: liliscakes.com
• Premium smooth peanut butter, lightly salted

And to wash it all down…
• Big tumbler of chocolate peppermint soy milk

That’s one huge pig-out for me because my maintenance calories are 1800, and a rough estimate of calories here is about 3800. That’s probably equal to my all-time pig-out record and possibly all I could eat without dropping dead (and I’d want to be fully conscious for the asteroid hit, heheh). Anyways, who’s counting calories any more on “D Day”? I must be nuts.

Of course I’d have plenty of extra food on hand and let my dog(s) (and family) stuff down as much as they could, too, since what dog or human wouldn’t love to gorge on all that in glazed-eyed, Buddha-bellied abandon, knowing there’s no tomorrow?

With my luck, after finishing that gut busting, weight packing, heart-attack, diabetes-chow feast, the asteroid would unexpectedly change course and this purgatory would grind on, and I’d be stuck bloated, several pounds heavier, and probably ripe for some dreaded, food-related, chronic disease.

Source: giphy.com
Oh well, the world’s end is only a dream, but still I pray.